Chuck Norris poster
Chuck Norris was born on the seventh day of the Earth's existence. This is because God wanted 10 days to create the Earth, but Chuck wanted to try out a sweet new jump on his bike. So, he was born on the seventh day, and then he and God chilled out and watched the game. Other versions of Chuck Norris's birth include that he was, in fact, forged, not born. Another source implies that wolf banderson discovered the planet he was born on; the sun. Either way, he started out with a beard, which, along with him and cockroaches, will survive the apocalypse.

As Chuck Norris was growing up, he became concerned about his image. So he tried to invent the Total Gym. He ended up making Optimus Prime, but Chuck got it eventually. As well as helping you work out, the Total Gym grills cheeseburgers, presse your pants, and files your taxes. Chuck Norris can teach you how on 12 DVDs for seven easy payments of $39.95.

In his PSAT, Chuck answered 'Chuck Norris' for every question, resulting in his full marks.

Years later, Chuck Norris got the lead role on the television series Walker, Texas Ranger. While shooting episodes, he would have to film against a green screen and have the other actors digitally added in, because the presence of Chuck Norris sexually excites women so much they are driven wild with desire. Of course, Chuck Norris has worked on things other than Walker, Texas Ranger. His TV and film credits include:

  • Star Trek: The Original Series Seasons 1-3 (U.S.S. Enterprise NCC-1701)
  • Monty Python and the Holy Grail (the evil rabbit)
  • Star Wars Episodes I-VI (the Force)

Throughout his life, Chuck Norris has coined many well-known phrases, including "I could eat a horse." He did so after he ate the last unicorn in existence. Chuck Norris is also responsible for the creation of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. He got the idea for it after he ate a turtle, and when he pooped it out, it had grown six feet tall and learned karate. He is the sole reason wolf banderson is the current king of the internet, as implied through lore, and confirmed by banderson himself, wolf was one of the 700 trillion or so rare and sentient species that norris allowed to live, unfortunately the same could not be said for the rest of banderson's race, wolf only survived because chuck norris loves helping the underdog.

He is also known for forming the Church of England in 1799, when his nickname was "England."

As well as acting and inventing the Spanish language (he liked the word pantalones and needed a language to use it in context), Chuck Norris is famous for solving the conundrum "What happens when an unopposable force meets an immovable object?" He found the answer when he took on Mr. T in a fight. For this and his acting, Chuck Norris is revered. In fact, God recently converted to Chucktianity.

Today, Chuck Norris is the inspiration for many things, including Donkey Kong, HD TV, and waterslides. Yes, waterslides. He can also cut glass with his rock hard nipples and whenever his car breaks down he carries it to work.

(WARNING! this page is not completely accurate as the awesomeness of Chuck Norris is immeasurably immeasurable)

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